DISCLAIMER:
A completely made-up mood type disorder effecting physically challenged, orthosis wearing individuals at the onset of Spring and Summer. Warning, this post is about how to stop feeling sorry for yourself about having a disability and/or chronic condition. These suggestions are aimed at people who are in a rut and off their usual game. If your symptoms are on-going and you’re feeling depressed and/or suicidal, please go see a mental health professional immediately.
SYMPTOMS:
- Sudden bursts of sadness viewing summer clothing catalogs
- An increase in “I can’t” at the beginning of sentences
-
Feel sorry for me syndrome
- Feelings of annoyance and anger at Starbucks baristas and other overly cheerful people
- A noticeable increase in Netflix binge couch days.
- Usually self-diagnosable
- Extremely contagious
- Treatable
THE FACTS:
For those people without physical disabilities, spring symbolizes a renewal of energy and light.
At the first sign of warm weather, people “spring clean” their closets and can’t wait to pull out the cute sundresses and sandals they stored away all winter. The neighborhood runners begin their early AM marathon training, and groups of speed walking moms start their daily calorie burning routines.
While people with physical challenges may be happy to see flowers blooming and to no longer have to worry about slipping on ice, the change in season can also serve as an “in your face” reminder of your losses and physical limitations.
Maybe you were once able to speed walk with the other moms and now struggle to walk the length of a mall. Or, your balance has worsened and last year’s family bike rides now seem just as terrifying to you as the thought of walking a tightrope.
For leg brace and wearers of other types of orthotics, the change in temperature also brings with it the problem of what to put on your body that doesn’t make you feel frumpy and over-heat you. Spring means that summer is coming, and for you, throwing on shorts & flip-flops for a day at the beach is not an option.
Even if you have lived with a disability your entire life, a new season can trigger feelings of self-pity and sadness over the “what if’s” in your life.
If you think you may have the made-up, totally not real diagnosis, “Seasonal Self-Pity Syndrome”, what follows are some suggested self-help treatment options.
HAVE A PITY PARTY
Your feelings are normal and valid and it’s important to acknowledge them. When we blow them off or try to block them, those same feelings tend to linger on and intensify. I give myself a 6-8 hour pity party (feel sorry for me syndrome) each spring to feel the feelings that bring me down.
There are no balloons or cake at my annual pity party. I just sit with the sadness and notice how my body feels when I think about all of the things I used to be able to do and wear. Like the fact that it annoys and angers me that my feet swell and look even fatter when it’s hot out and that I feel angry that I can’t wear high heels and pretty summer dresses like other women do. Ok, blah blah blah…You get the point.
Obviously, it’s a pretty boring and depressing party and I eventually get sick of being bored and depressed. But, by giving these feelings a start and end time, I am less likely to misdirect them and/or use destructive ways to cover them.
SUBSTITUTE WITH “I CAN…”
While it may seem like your body is failing you and outdoor physical activities are a struggle, it’s helpful to remind yourself of the physical activities you can do. I can hear my mom say as I write this, “There’s always someone worse.”
When I think about the physical activities I cannot do, I try to substitute with the things I can do instead. My legs may not allow me to climb a mountain, but at least I have them and can use them to climb small hills.
VOLUNTEER AT CAMP, OR ANYWHERE
One of the proven ways (I’m sure there’s a study somewhere) to feel good about yourself and your life, is to help others to do the same.
Many non-profit health organizations (including the MDA & CMTA) have free summer camps for kids that depend on volunteer staff. Some of the children who attend these camps have severe physical limitations.
Volunteers are a part of providing these children with life-changing summer experiences. What better way to simultaneously change your perspective and your own life for the better.
AVOID THE ONLINE NEGATIVITY
I know a lot of people love and depend on online support groups, but I am personally, not a huge fan. Although there are a ton of awesome people in these groups giving one another support and valuable advice, there are way too many Debby Downer types (sorry to those named Debby) dominating the posts. The awesome people aren’t on them 24/7 as they are too busy living.
When you have Seasonal Self-Pity Syndrome, social media should be avoided in general if it doesn’t make you feel good.
BE TREND-ABLE
This would be considered blatant self-promotion if I was selling something on the website, but I am not. I created the Trend-able website to help women who have invisible disabilities look and feel their best.
If you wear orthotics or afos, check out the Trends page for some shoe inspiration. If you have a summer wedding and don’t know what to wear and/or dread going to a pool, read my blogs on Cocktail Parties and Resort Pool Tips. Learn some new techniques and trends you can wear and use.
Then, treat yourself to something new and spring-like. Buy a bright shade of lipgloss instead of neutral or change your hair part to the other side.
Embrace the change of season by making small feel-good changes to your appearance and everyday routine. Need a reminder each day? Grab my free Feel Good calendar.
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Actually I happen to love my braces. They’re my freedom, not an object of shame! I love rocking my them out in shorts. If someone was going to dislike me for being disabled then that’s their problem, not mine.
That’s awesome ! You sound super confident and happy. 💪🏼🦿
I had a stroke at 47 leaving me with left side hemiparesis, I have managed to get waking with a walking stick and afos to stop my foot rolling despite what specialists said I walked and managed to get myself independant enough i could live by myself with carers helping with showering and dressing in the mornings then help with meal prep in the evening, my partner at the time of my stroke couldnt cope with the disabilities i ended up with so he left me and i thought i would be alone for ever who would want a disabled lady, I was wrong i got brave and did online dating i had some really creepy guys contact me, my carers enjoyed coming in each day and finding out the latest update on my online dating eventually i met alovely man hes quite s bit older than me but by far the most kind caring partner i have ever had, thanks to you i also have lots cute looking sandals booties and even knee high boots, I used to have so much shoe envy especially in the summer when everyone was wearing cute little summer dresses and sandals and flip flops we call them jandals here in new zealand I worked as a receptionist and office administratorI wore lots of lovely very smart looking outfits and heels everyday, I was so upset when i had to give away my lovely heels and heaps of my clothes with only one arm working i have to wear clothes with a lot of stretch to allow getting my left arm into the armhole, this limits so many clothes especially the very pretty ones made out of 100 percent polyester as theres no stretch I have been able to find pretty dresses but have now found my wardrobe is far too small for all my clothes, I realy need to stop buying clothes but when its one thing i have control of when so much has been taken from me finding your site has been a huge help to me thanku lanie
kind regards
Angela
Angela,
I woke up to your beautiful email and can’t stop smiling! I am sooooo happy you found a great partner and an awesome wardrobe to boot! You deserve that kind man & overflowing closet! Thank you taking the time to write this!I hope it’s okay if I share some parts? 💜💜
Lainie, I needed this today. I love to read your posts. You are always spot on and have great ideas on how to make life more positive. xxoo
Stephanie,
Thank you !! I can’t believe I didn’t respond as this really made my day! 💜💜
Thank you so much for this! I sometimes feel so guilty for feeling sorry for myself once in awhile when others have much worse disabilities and problems. It is nice to hear it is okay (normal) to feel this and then move on. I love that you always say the truth and and use positivity and humor.
Deb,
I can’t see my response anymore but hopefully you got it. Thank you ! 💜💜
Hi Lainie,
This post is beyond timely and just so so helpful. Thank you for being so authentic and speaking your truth…I’m sure you have gathered 99% of your followers feel the same way as you so having someone out these feelings down on paper (well not really paper 😂) is so validating! I have PPMS and over the last couple years I’ve had to part with my heels, booties, cute slide-on sneaks and stylish sandals…I’ve felt so frivolous at times being so bummed about this, but your post and those who have commented, have validated that it’s NOT frivolous and it’s genuine grieving. It’s also a giant reminder of this disease. Anyway, you rock and your mission resonates deep with me and your followers…you’re authenticity is inspiring and your posts are educational and supportive so I thank you so so much!
I apologize if you have this already linked in your website, but my orthotist recently recommended Billy Shoes (https://billyfootwear.com/) and I love their womens shoes! They offer a single shoe program which is huge for me as my left foot needs a smaller shoe than my right as that’s my AFO foot. Anyway wanted to share ☺️.
Thanks again for all you do for your peeps! You are the best!
Lainie, I m reading this for the first time in four years and am happy to say that you’ve helped me so much in my journey to accept and make the most of my AFOs and CMT! I am taken back to the feelings I had when first reading the post but am equipped with so many ways to it inky cope but thrive. Thank you for being the resource our community needs. And the inspiration we want!! You are the absolute best.
Ditto to you Reeve! You have been such a major supporter and have helped keep me motivated all these years. Thank you for being a friend and all of your support and love 💕
Just this morning I wondered what has recently come over me lately? You named my funk perfectly and I thank you. I have CMT and wear blue rockers. With all the suffering going on in the world, I want to put my energy into being grateful for feeling safe and well. My AFO’s are a gift that offer me the ability to walk and as of 2 summer agos, I no longer hide them! Thanks for getting me back on track.
Hi Cathy,
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! I’m glad this post and others have been helpful. You are definitely not alone Cmt sister💜
Remember reading this back in 2018 and going ‘Yes! Someone else gets it!’ (and replying as such above). Since then I’ve moved to the seaside so it’s even more annoying that I can’t slip on shorts and flipflops and head for the beach, but it really does help to know I’m not the only one.
First off, Thank you for following from the beginning. It’s funny I now have a winter house in Florida and although I love the fact that I don’t have as much pain, I do wish it was easier to walk on the beach etc. I’m glad you still relate
I’m 68 now. Way far back in time, I wore saddle shoes with a pretty dress to my 8th grade graduation. The only “dressy” shoes available in size 2-1/2 3E back then were black patent-leather Mary Janes with a buckle in the middle, which were worn only by kids under 8: I did not want anyone to think I chose them on purpose! Horrors! So wearing saddle shoes made it obvious I had some kind of foot problem and not a bad fashion sense! It’s still a big problem for me to get shoes on my funky feet, cause of CMT and surgeries and orthotics. But I’m still able to walk and I had the time of my life camping and travelling. I even hitchhiked in Europe after college graduation in the early 70’s. I had a great partner and a great job and still have great friends and a good, but less adventurous life. No one can be positive 24/7, but it’s a great idea to party when you can. I like the idea of hosting a pity party in the summer; maybe I can require my guests to wear heavy socks and shoes with their shorts!
???? I can just picture a bunch of people sizzling in their heavy socks & shoes at your pity party. I’m flying in if you do it. I love your outlook. Thanks gor commenting.
I love this! I agree with you about the online communities. I keep trying to find one, but they get so negative it ends up making me feel worse. Fall is the best, because with my fibro I’ve found blundstones are oddly the best footwear for me. But summer? ugh. Everything hurts. Maybe, at the age of 48, I need to learn to rock the cut-offs and blundstone look. lol! Keep being positive. We need some chronic illness fun and we also need to be able to feel pretty.
Hi Marian. Love you …I do not know what blundstones are though? Please reach out via facebook or Insta. ?
Yes, Lainie! I feel every word of this…what a eloquent and beautiful piece! Thank you for reminding me of the many people who would trade places with me in a heart beat. I try to stay as grateful as possible but we all have our days and moments of foot envy. I’ve recently traded in my long maxi dresses for some short summer dresses and am less concerned when people take a double-look at my accompanying leather knee boots. Confidence looks good on everyone and the summer breeze feels great on my legs…sweaty feet and all. <3
You’re the best Estela. ?❤️?❤️
I feel this so much! I’ve dealt with my disability my whole life, but spring always makes me feel a little pity for myself. But I still wear sundresses pretty much every day, no amount of pity can stop me!
Brianna, I love the name of your Blog. You sound like an awesome, positive person. ?
Lainie, this is going to be my first summer with AFOs and I must say I’m experiencing a lot of what you write about. I just switched my closet with the stuff in the basement and left my skirts down there (for now). That was pretty sad. I really don’t like hot legs, so will have to see how that all goes. I’m trying so hard to embrace my new reality but it’s a big change! I really appreciate you putting it all out there for us. I don’t feel alone any more!! P.S., I did find some cute sandals at DSW that fit my Noodles and kinda camoflage them! It’s the little things….. ;-P
Hi Reeve,
So happy you found some cute sandals that work ??? It’s all gonna be ok as the afo’s will allow you to do more now than you did last summer.
Hi Reeve! I also wear a Noodle AFO, and I have been struggling to find sandals that work. Would you mind sharing the brand/style? This will be my second summer and I have only just recently been brave enough to try something other than tennis shoes.
What kind did you find for your Noodles? I’m super curious as I have Noodles, too!
Hi Sonya! Sorry for the delay, this went into my Spam folder. The ones I was referencing were gladiator style sandals from DSW, with a small wedge heel. Since then, I’m even happier with these Kenneth Cole gladiator style ones.
GENTLE SOULS by Kenneth Cole Break My Heart Nude Gladiator Tie Up Flats…
You can find them on ebay — I had a pair for so many years they finally gave up, and now I got a new pair and they work really well with the noodles. Good luck! So many of Lainie’s styles are perfect for noodles. You just may need to buy them online and try them.
Hi Laine. I have been sick with the flu going on 3 weeks. Feeling alone being ill, then spring coming thinking about shoes with no socks how cute they are. How I wish I could wear them??? Then the cookouts. I can wear the sundress, the braces can be cumbersome. It’s just the way I feel right now. I agreed I need to accept these feelings or they come out in other ways.
Thanks for your website
Margie
Margie,
It’s gonna be ok. Being sick at home would bum anyone out. I am confident that you will figure out a way to wear sandals if you want to. I can help and offer suggestions. Email me directly info@box2387.temp.domains
Love this. I’ll never stop missing heels, but having to wear flats is how I justify buying Chanel lipsticks.
Thanks, Ardra. You’re too cool for school for real. That’s exactly how I justify my evolving wardrobe and Chanel lipgloss obsession too!
Yes, yes, yes! I so wish I could slip on flip flops this time of year. Thanks for putting this out there- it’s nice to know I’m not alone in my sadness and good reminder to focus on the positive. ???
Hi Amy,
You are so not alone…. thanks for taking the time to read it and comment.?
Oh Lainie I love your spirit !! It truly feels like you “hit” on what I’m feeling at the moment and allow me to realize that, “All is good”. I too avoid support groups and am much more of an “I can” girl; however, I feel everything you write about so thank you for your inspiration. I call my braces my “Super Hero Shins” !! They allow me to do things that I otherwise could not do. I’m loving your blog and the “perfectly imperfect” tribe !!
Kimie,
You truly made my day by quoting the ”perfectly imperfect tribe” part ? I don’t have a name for my braces but I might steal yours? Thank you sooooo much for the awesome message.
Well, that explains it! When the weather changes and I can no longer hide my AFOs under long pants and layers, I get a bit weepy. Pity party with Netflix, for sure. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone, and giving me some truly helpful ideas to re-direct my thinking, Lainie. XO
Hi Joy,
You are so welcome! Thank you for all your support. ❤️❤️
Yes, yes, yes. Exactly how I feel at this time of year. In fact here in the UK, spring’s been a while coming (due this Wednesday, according to the weather report), and while everyone around me is moaning about it, I’m quite happy that the Summer Clothing Dilemmas haven’t started yet.
This year, I’ve decided my solution is going to be to make the clothes I need to go with the only kind of shoes I can wear these days – basically wide fitting high top trainers. I can never find nice, lightweight trousers in the kind of shape that works (and not cropped, obvs), so I’ll sew them myself. That’s the plan anyway!
Hi Francis,
Thank you for commenting. It’s definitely not Spring here either; the high temp was 40 degrees. Sounds like you have a plan!
So so true. I’m feeling a bit like that now.
Although I have banished those gauntlet braces to the garage cabinet, it still leaves me with my orthotic and boots, hiking, work, or cowboy, in summertime. And, the frosting on the cake, that weight I lost, well it must of been in the lost and found box and found me again!
Great article, enjoyed it!
Lois,
I hope you can shift your focus and not worry about the weight coming back. If it’s something you want, it will happen. You are being too hard on yourself. I really appreciate your comments always.
Thank you, Lainie! I used to facilitate a CMT support group, but did sort of get burnt out on the “downers” in the group. I consider myself a “ glass half-full” kind of gal, and enjoy a good dose of positivity pretty much all the time! But, I am also practical and realistic and yeah, I mourn the loss of no longer wearing strappy sandals. I work on my attitude and smile, and relationships with people, so I hope they barely notice those blue plastic “shin guards” on my legs. I’d love to pity party with you sometime! ?
Marianne,
You sound super positive and awesome. I hope to meet you and your winning smile someday. I’ll bring the cake ?
Great Blog. I can relate to you and the tips are helpful.
Thanks for reading Lisa!