Holiday Survival

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The holiday season isn’t all jingle bells and sleigh rides when you have an invisible disability. As temps begin falling and your calendar starts filling, the stress and worry about how the hell you’ll make it through it all begins to rear its Scrooge-like head.

Of course, this time of year can be stressful for everyone! There’s a ton of pressure to look merry and create picture-perfect, Norman Rockwell-like moments, which are then of course, posted on Facebook.

There are gifts to buy without going broke, relatives to please without creating drama, and parties to attend without gaining weight. Basically, there’s a whole crapload of stuff to balance during the holidays, whether you have a disability or not.

But, add to this various physical and emotional stressors like chronic pain, foot drop, neuropathy, and extreme sensitivity to the cold, and the challenge of finding balance during the holidays becomes both a literal and a figurative one.

Of course, you can stay home from now until after New Year’s and avoid all uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situations. There would be no risk of slipping on a friend’s driveway or spilling eggnog on the hostess if you RSVP “no” to everything! But, that would be really boring and depressing, don’t ya think?

What follows are some common challenges among people with disabilities during the holiday season, along with tips for tackling these challenges and finding balance:

Please note that this post is not directed at individuals with chronic illnesses who are sick and unable to leave their homes.

 BALANCING EXPECTATIONS

You do not need to be a Pinterest queen to make the holidays special and memorable for your loved ones. There are no extra mom points for turning one’s house into a winter wonderland or for spending hours creatively gift-wrapping. The truth is, while some people do appreciate the little details, most don’t notice or care. It’s really about you and deciding which parts of the holiday rigmarole bring you more joy than stress.

Let’s use the whole real vs. artificial Christmas tree decision as an example. If you love having a real Christmas tree, then by all means, get a real tree. However, if picking up fallen needles and other aspects of having a live tree in your home take a toll on your body and stress level, then get an artificial tree and call it a day. If mobility issues make shopping in malls and stores difficult, then embrace the convenience of online shopping. Make reservations or have someone cater in if you don’t enjoy cooking.

Believe me, your loved ones would much rather have you at the holiday table, present and relaxed, than in the kitchen, all stressed out about an overcooked brisket. You have choices.

 BALANCING YOUR CHECKBOOK

I’m a total overspender during the holidays. I used to buy my kids almost everything on their list. Ugh, I know. Bad! It’s mostly because they are such great and appreciative kids, and partly due to Jewish guilt. You see, during Chanukah, which really isn’t an important holiday in the Jewish religion, many parents (like myself) try to compensate for not having a Santa or Christmas by giving each kid 8 gifts for each night of Chanukah.

While this tradition worked well when my kids were little, it doesn’t work so well now that their lists include things like an iPhone 15 and $200 basketball sneakers.

So, if you’re thinking, what does this even have to do with disabilities? It doesn’t, at least not directly. But, similar to stereotypical “Jewish guilt,” some parents with disabilities may overspend on their loved ones’ gifts in an attempt to compensate for not being able to physically do everything for and with them during the year. Obviously, this is not good, especially for your bank account.

I started a new tradition in my family that helps all of us balance our family’s holiday wants and needs with those who don’t get to choose. When making their lists, each kid is given a budget and told to include items for someone their age who is less fortunate than themselves. We then shop together and deliver them to a local charity.

 BALANCING TO AND FRO

 BALANCING AT PARTIES

The ability to navigate a party or event with an invisible disability (or multiple ones) is an art, not a science. I look forward to holiday parties even though I am a social butterfly trapped in the body of an unstable and uncoordinated caterpillar.

I’ve dedicated an entire post to balancing at cocktail parties when you have a disability. Here are a few key tips that also apply to attending Holiday parties:

Upon arrival, quickly scan the room or house and assess it for potential fall hazards such as slippery flooring, loose rugs, and extra-long tablecloths on the ground.

Opt for a lightweight multi-way crossbody handbag to be hands-free and easily access your phone, lip gloss, and any essentials.

Position yourself against a counter or wall, preferably near the drinks. Avoid planting yourself in a busy corner where people are constantly zipping by.

Eat a bowl of cereal or something small and filling beforehand so that you’re not starving and don’t have to balance an appetizer plate along with a drink.

 BALANCING CALORIES

I used to effortlessly shed a couple of pounds gained during the holidays by mid-January. Now, at age 53, it isn’t so easy! A week of indulging in spinach dip and crackers can take months to rectify.

If you’ve read my blog on maintaining a positive body image with a disability, you’re familiar with my struggles with weight and self-esteem. Staying within my ‘happy weight’ range not only makes me feel better but also enhances my mobility and general demeanor.

To stay mindful, I record everything I eat using the free diet tracking app, My Fitness Pal, which I mentioned in my blog on life-changing apps for people with disabilities.

For me, it’s all about planning and balance. If I know I’ll be going out at night, I’m careful about my food choices during the day.

Of course, I follow the basics like reducing carbs, staying hydrated, and exercising. I enjoy a drink or two (sometimes three) at parties, opting for low-calorie combinations like vodka and club soda. When I get the “Lainie, you’ve reached your limit” look from my hubby, I switch to the ‘fake-tini’ (club soda with lime) to feel festive without appearing more intoxicated than I am without even a sip of alcohol.

While being mindful of what I eat is crucial, the whole point of going to a party is to relax and enjoy. I avoid discussing dietary restrictions as it can be annoying to others. I take small, manageable bites of everything I want to eat without the risk of dropping it.

 BALANCING SELF-CARE

Self-Care during the Holiday season isn’t  just about bubble baths and scented candles. For people with disabilities, self-care is about prioritizing yourself, paying attention to your body, and being able to communicate your needs with others. For both your physical and mental well-being and everyone else’s enjoyment, it’s important to hit pause when you need to.

Doing the holidays differently when you live with a disability is okay! Saying no is okay! Using dollar store gift bags instead of wrapping paper is ok! Not going to midnight mass when you’re exhausted at 8 p.m. is perfectly okay! And, It’s totally fine to say screw it and book a last-minute trip to Turks and Caicos🤣.

When we remove all of the “shoulds” and put our needs first, the tightrope of the holiday season widens and becomes easier to balance and to ultimately cross.

Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy holiday season!

XO

Lainie

PS, If you’re looking for curte pair of AFO- friendly dress shoes to wear to all of those Holiday soirées,
check out our 12 Flats Of Christmas Post.