This post about summer wedding dos and don’ts with a disability was previously published and has been updated as of July 2024 to reflect current styles and information.
Summertime is synonymous with outdoor parties and fun. Just as temperatures outside begin to rise, the grills are fired up, and people everywhere come out of hibernation. Come June, there’s a barbecue, grad party, or block party happening on every corner. If you’re post-college age (before 2nd mortgages, the need for Botox, and the joys of empty nesting), summertime is also known as wedding season.
While making the cut and being invited to a summer wedding can be exciting, it can also be a source of anxiety for those of us living with invisible (not obvious) physical disabilities.
But hey, summertime in general can be a bit of a paradox when you live with a disability. “Carefree” and “easy-breezy” might sound great, but reality begs to differ. So, if you’re feeling like the sun forgot to shine on your parade, fret not! I’ve got your back. Read my tips for dealing with “Seasonal Self-Pity Syndrome” (I totally made this condition up, btw) here.
Now, back to our summer wedding dos and don’ts for people with disabilities.
So, are you invited to an outdoor wedding or event this summer? Is your mind doing a dizzying dance of questions like:
- What should I wear?
- Will there be seating? Will guests have to walk and stand on grass or sand?
- What if I stumble and fall?
We will answer these questions and hopefully make your summer celebrations fun and less stressful without breaking a sweat (or anything else)!
Okay, first take a deep breath and let the following list of 10 dos and don’ts be your guiding light, melting away your pre-summer event angst.
1. Get The 411 ✔️
If you have difficulty walking or balancing and want to avoid falling on your ass in front of everyone (especially your high school nemesis), then it’s up to you to be proactive and ask questions.
Unless you’re that obligatory distant cousin who always shows up late and re-gifts dollar store items, you’re likely invited for a reason; someone wants you there.
If you don’t feel comfortable asking the hostess questions, you can always call the venue directly and ask to speak to the event coordinator.
Here are some questions you may want answers to:
- Will the ceremony be held on the beach or on solid ground?
- Will there be a covered pathway?
- What about elevation? Is the venue hill?
- Where are the restrooms located? Are there stairs? An elevator?
- Will there be shade if outdoors? Air-conditioning inside?
- How long will the appetizer hour be? Will there be seating available?
2. Understand The Dress Code ✔️
Whether it’s black tie, beach casual, or something in between, understanding what’s expected will help you narrow down a cure outfit that’s comfortable both physically and emotionally.
Daytime and beach weddings are typically relaxed and “dressy casual”, whereas summer evening receptions are often more formal with “black tie” or “cocktail attire” dress codes.
Whether you wear a maxi (full-length) dress, skirt, jumpsuit, or two-piece pant set, the difference is in the type of material you choose.
Whereas casual maxi dresses are usually made out of lightweight, breathable materials like linen and cotton, more formal maxi dresses are typically made out of silk, chiffon, or satin.
Check out our favorite looks (with shopping links) for every type of summer event dress code here.
3. Don’t Make Rookie Fashion Girl Mistakes ❌
I’m sure you already know that wearing white to a wedding (unless, of course, you’re the bride) is a huge faux pas. Here are a few lesser-known (because I made them up!) tips.
- When tailoring your outfit, be sure to try it on and practice walking in the exact height of the shoes you plan to wear to the event. When you have mobility issues, the last thing you need is a 2-inch too long dress tripping you up.
- If you want to show a little skin, choose either a flattering, revealing neckline or a shorter dress that shows your great legs, never both at the same time!
- If you have fine motor issues, carry a small handbag with a wrist or crossbody strap, NOT a clutch.
- Bring a shrug or shawl in case it gets chilly when the sun goes down. And in case that appetizer or drink goes awry.
4. Don’t Be A Worry-Wart ❌
Being proactive and asking questions is smart, as it allows you or the hostess time to make any necessary accommodations. But, things happen. And, there are many things that can happen that are totally out of your control.
Yes, it is possible that you might wipe out on the makeshift dance floor or that you might get overheated and need to leave the reception early. It is also possible that nothing bad will happen and you’ll end up having an amazing time. Worrying about the “what-ifs” is a total waste of your energy and will only serve to increase your anxiety.
5. Have A Mantra ✔️
Mantras are not just for yogis. Positive self-talk has gotten me through many insecure moments. And, there have been a lot of those! Having a reassuring mantra or short phrase in your back pocket can help you cope with the unexpected, social anxiety, and general angst during the event itself.
Your mantra doesn’t have to be intense or have spiritual connotations. Pick something simple and reassuring to calm your nerves, like, “I got this” or ” “I am not my disability”.
6. Look For Comfortable Places To Sit Or Stand ✔️
When you first arrive at the wedding or event, it’s a good idea to immediately scan the venue for chairs/high bar tables etc to snag and for supportive spaces to balance against.
However, be careful of what you rely on for support, as outdoor décor is typically portable and breakable, e.g., foldable chairs and tent poles. Learn more tips for cocktail party survival here.
7. Don’t Be A Mind Reader ❌
Try to avoid making assumptions about what other party guests are thinking or noticing about you.
Most often, when we think that people are staring at us or judging, they’re, in reality, just zoning out in their own heads and/or focused on their own insecurities.
8. Have An Escape Plan ✔️
Be mindful of your energy levels and have a plan in place for when you’re starting to feel low on gas and/or or done and ready to leave.
Try not to rely on others to drive you home as they may not want to leave when you do. If you do decide to drive with someone, make sure to let them know that you may want to leave earlier than they do.
Have the Uber or Lyft app on your phone ready to go so you can make a quick and easy exit when needed.
9. Don’t Drink Too Much ❌
If you tend to be wobbly on your feet without alcohol, then sipping those mixers will only make you more unsteady and others unaware of your disability, will likely assume you’ve had a few too many.
Now, falling into the arms of a cute single person would be a great strategy if in fact, you are single. Not so much though if you’re married and falling onto other women’s husbands’ laps. I’ve been there; trust me on this.
10. Have Fun ✔️
When you lead with a smile, that’s what others notice first. Try not to let your disability or physical issues prevent you from enjoying the moment. Be present and laugh with old friends and/ or make new ones.
Dance if you want to, without caring how coordinated you are or how you look. Take notice of the beautiful décor (someone probably spent a fortune on it) and take those silly photos with dumb props so you can remember how great of a time you had.
Most importantly, just be yourself, and don’t forget to grab a party favor (or a bunch) on your way out!
Happy Summer Weddings!
Xo
Lainie
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Another tip: Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help! As a 68-year-old with CMT that’s progressively gotten worse since my childhood (I had surgeries at ages 8 and 16), I’ve learned that most people are wonderful and love to help, especially easy stuff like opening doors, helping to press a gas pump nozzle, or grabbing something from a high shelf! It’s the thought that this world is filled with lovely, good-intentioned people that keeps me going when I’m frustrated or depressed. Even when people are rude, it’s often cause they are stressed and don’t notice you have a problem. These tips reminded me of my last Easter buffet: heavy plates and no place to set them down! I thought I could manage but dropped a plate of pasta and salad and a kind gentleman immediately came to my aid, carrying a plate as I filled it and then taking it to my table! Disaster turned into delight in a few seconds!
Totally Agree Marita. I have a whole Post called ”A Recipe For Asking For Help”. I would love for you to read it & let me know what you think. It’s under ”Blog” ”lifestyle” on Homepage.
Great piece; so refreshing to read an article about wedding sesson that isn’t just based on what’s in fashion to wear or etiquette. Applicable to most occasions too, not just weddings. I have to say I was fortunate enough to be Maid of Honour for my best friend who was considerate enough to get a long dress for me so I wasn’t self-conscious if the way I walked down the aisle, but we made sure it wasn’t too long. This way I could wear the lower, strapped shoes I needed and the other bridesmaids that favoured other styles could choose what they wanted. I hate buffets/appetisers though as trying to hold the plates with cerebral palsy is a nightmare!
Hi Teya,
Oh I remember those bridesmaid days & how anxious I felt about what the bride was going to pick, messing up her vision etc. I’m glad your friend was so considerate and I’m sure it was a huge relief!
I get it about the buffet as you know ?
Thanks for all of this information. My son is getting married this September and it is an outside country wedding. I have been planning my outfit, shoes, etc. for months already. I have bought 4 different pairs of shoes and have been working with them. I think #4 will be going to the wedding. My biggest concern after what to wear was the idea that I might fall and have everyone assume I had been drinking too much. I won’t be drinking at all and will be the designated driver so that works out well. I just don’t want to ruin my new daughter in law’s wedding because I know how important that day will be for her. Thanks for all of the great information you share with us. Like Frances it is just nice to know I’m not the only one that obsesses about all of this. 🙂
Wanda,
First of all, how awesome & exciting. Congrats!! I’m glad you found shoes and an outfit. I’m sure it’s a big relief to have that part done. ??? The what if’s are endless for anyone regardless of ability, and worrying about them only makes the anxiety stronger. I’m sure that you will not ruin anything and that it will be be an amazing day for your family. If you fall, what then? What’s the worst thing that can happen? You’re being smart by not drinking etc if that makes it worse. That’s all you can do and it’s enough. ?
Lead with a smile. Love it, Lainie!
??? Thanks Annita for reading.
Some good tips there, thanks. Most of all though it’s just nice to be reminded I’m not the only one who has to think about this stuff, rather than just ‘Shall I wear the sequinned sandals or the silver pumps?’, like other people.
Hi Francis, I get that. You are not alone. I appreciate you reading & taking the time to comment.