10 Tips For Learning To Accept Your Body “As Is” (Disability, Cellulite, Wrinkles & All)

When I was 15 years old, I went to “fat camp”. It was the mid-80’s, and after several failed attempts to lose weight via kids’ Weight Watchers’ meetings and “the grapefruit diet”, I begged my mom to send me to a diet camp I had seen advertised in a teen fashion magazine.

The camp, named Camp Camelot, promised weight loss via a 1200 calorie-a-day meal plan and daily Jane Fonda workouts.

In a 1986 New York Times article about weight loss camps, Thelma Hurwitz, the owner of Camp Camelot, was quoted as saying,

“We don’t want them (kids) to get skinny. They just to feel comfortable with themselves, so they’re not ashamed to go shopping with their friends and buy shorts”.

Thanks for that, Thelma.

I was just 5-10 pounds above the “average” weight of girls my age and height when I left for diet camp. But, I wanted a body that was stick thin like my friends’ bodies and also one that could do everything their bodies could do. Disability and confidence are difficult, especially when you are young. Due to an inherited neuromuscular condition, I couldn’t run or jump, and I tripped a lot. The disease, called Charcot-Marie-Tooth, is slowly progressive. You can read more about this in my blog, Skinny Jeans & Leg Braces. Of course, it didn’t help that my closest relatives had body image issues and questionable eating disorders of their own.

My dad weighed himself 10 times a day and constantly talked about his weight. His mom, my Grandma Edith, walked 5+ miles a day well into her eighties because she wanted to remain thin. My mom and her mom, my Grandma Esther, were also constantly dieting. My grandma ate 12 of the tiny “diet muffins” for breakfast every day of her adult life. After breakfast, she’d stand on a large electronic contraption (we nicknamed it “The Monster”) that vibrated and supposedly rolled away the fat. The patriarch of the family, my Grandpa Nate, gave mixed messages.

Two of his many unwritten rules:

1. Don’t ever take a 3rd helping of fried matzah.
2. Fill up your plate at the country club’s buffet brunch so he gets his money’s worth.

Ironically, even though everyone was always “watching” their weight, most conversations were centered around food and the newest must-try restaurants.

In one of my camp letters home, I even bragged about being the skinniest girl at camp and winning the title of “Ms. Camelot.” My sister recently found that letter in #15 of my (now deceased) mom’s meticulously labeled scrapbooks.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist. Like so many other young girls of my generation, I didn’t have “body-positive” role models.

I was raised to believe that physical appearance was everything and, if you worked at it, being thin and pretty might even compensate for other imperfections (like having a disability).

I’m not going to tell you to “love your body” when I know firsthand that it’s easier said than done. Even though I’ve come a long way since those Camp Camelot days, I can’t undo 52 years of body shaming.

I don’t love a body that wakes me up at night with nerve pain and requires me to wear leg braces to walk. I’m not going to lie and say that fitting into my jeans isn’t important to me or that I like the wrinkles forming near my eyes.

So, instead of forcing a fake, unrequited love with my body, I’m working towards body indifference; accepting the things I cannot change and becoming less interested in the things I can.

I’m focusing less on my body (both the perceived good and bad parts) and putting more energy towards activities that bring joy.

Do you want to join me in becoming body indifferent? Here are some tips:

1. Find Activities & Hobbies That Fill Your Cup

Do you have any hobbies? Do they involve looking a certain way? Unless your answer is modeling, chances are that you don’t have to look a certain way or be a certain size to participate in most activities. Do more things that excite you and help you to feel good about yourself.

2. Learn Your Triggers

Do you get an icky feeling about yourself whenever you’re around certain people? Or, does flipping through fashion magazines cause you to judge your body harshly? For me, Facebook (not the Trend-able page, of course) brings me little joy and is sometimes a catalyst for bad self-image days.

3. Don’t Compare

There’s a 20-something woman who always takes the machine next to me in pilates class. She has no cellulite and a butt you could rest a glass on. It’s tempting to look in the mirror and mentally compare my 47-year-old body to hers, but doing so would be masochistic, and I’m no longer into that.

4. Focus on what you can do

There’s a lot my body can do despite having physical challenges. I am grateful for my ears that can hear, my eyes that can see, and my legs that can walk.

5. Hide the scale

I still weigh myself, but not more than a few times a month. When the scales are out of plain view, I think about them a lot less. I rely more on how I feel in my clothes and how much energy I have.

Have a weight range: I used to focus on a specific number with no allowance for fluid retention or weekend fun. Now, I try to aim for a healthy weight range instead.

6. Take pride in non-appearance-related attributes

I like getting compliments about my appearance; who doesn’t? But, I equally love hearing someone say I made them laugh or that I’m a good writer.

Although the video for the Tedx talk I recently gave in Jacksonville Florida has yet to come out, when it does, I’m gonna try my best to focus on my words and how great it felt to deliver my message, as opposed to scrutinizing how my body looks and getting upset about the camera angles.

7. Make A Positivity List

We’ve heard repeatedly about the numerous benefits of creating a gratitude journal. On days when you’re feeling insecure, sad or angry about how your body looks or the things your body won’t allow you to do, it can be incredibly empowering to focus on the things you like about your body and what you CAN still do.

Have you tried it?

8. Join A Mutual Admiration Club

On those days I find myself stuck in a rut and ruminating about my weight and the pre-menopausal changes happening to my body, the most unhelpful tactic is to retreat inward and feel sorry for myself.

Instead, I find it helpful to remind myself that I’m not alone. Ask a friend to meet for coffee or lunch. Or, join a support group that’s focused on lifting one another up. If you surround yourself with people who are true advocates for one another, it creates a positive feedback loop of genuine confidence.

Surround yourself with people who will remind you of your amazing gifts and talents on those days when you’re not feeling it and need a confidence boost.

9. Get Out Of Your Head

On days when I’m feeling down about my body, the negative thoughts get stuck in my head and affect not only me and everything I do, but they also have a negative impact on every unfortunate person I encounter. I tend to ruminate on negative thoughts like an annoying song playing over and over again in my playlist. The more I internalize these negative thoughts, the more power I give them.

In our post on Thinking Traps When You Have A Disability, we discuss some common thought distortions. Thought distortions (also called cognitive distortions) are negative thoughts that are exaggerated, irrational, skewed, and/or distorted. All of us have them at times and they manifest from our unconscious perceptions & deep seated beliefs.

These thought distortions can create anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem and relationship problems.  They’re basically your mind playing tricks on you; convincing you that you’re not as good as everyone else, people don’t like you, you’re at fault, things are hopeless, or other negative beliefs. The problem is that these cognitive distortions are very convincing.

But our thoughts are not facts. We can choose to challenge them & to ultimately change them through breathing, meditation, distraction, and reframing techniques.

10. Focus On Your Strengths

The least confident people are the ones that focus on what they don’t have, rather than celebrating what they do have.

Try making a list of 5 things you don’t like about your body that you have the ability to actually change. Then, write down 1 actionable step you can do today to create the change you desire. Maybe it’s exercising more than yesterday, shopping for a few new flattering outfits for the body you have right now, or perhaps it’s taking a break from pizza or chocolate for the week.

Next, make a list of 10 things you do like about your body. The latter exercise may be difficult, but as you make your list chances are you’ll see that you have a lot to be thankful for.

Final Thoughts

What do you think? Do you have any to add to this list? Let us know in the comments section below.

For more on self-confidence and being body-indifferent, check out my blog post, How to Photoshop Your Self Image When You Have a Disability.